You know those pictures you see of People of Wal Mart? Generally some 400 pound woman in a thong and nothing else or a scrawny man dressed in a bikini?
Well, I prefer to entertain Wal Mart in my own personal way. By buying cat food. And cat treats. Kitty litter. The random fluffy toy.
It’s best, when I go on the cat buying spree, to find a young cashier. They’re the most entertaining.
“Wow, guess you have a cat.” Scan, scan, scan.
Scanning process stops momentarily as they digest this information. “Are they all inside cats?”
“No, we live on a farm.”
Scanning resumes. “Ohhhh, that’s okay then.”
As if I should send a few to the shelter if I lived in town.
“Do they really eat all of this food?” Scan, scan, scan.
Scanning pauses again. “Seriously?”
“This is only for today and tomorrow, then I’ll have to buy some more.”
Various cat food cans clatter to the floor. “Oh.” Cashier backs up a few steps, sets the spray bottle closer to hand. Crazy Cat Lady at checkout two.
“Maybe you can be my cashier then, too?” I smile, pluck a piece of fur from my shirt. Blink disarmingly.
“I’m actually–well, this is–um”
I can hear the wheels click.
“I’m moving. Today’s my last day.”
Ooooo….a wiley cashier. I’m wilier. “Maybe you’d like a kitten? One of our cats is pregnant.” Technically all of our cats are spayed, but what your Wal Mart cashier doesn’t know…..
“The…um..place where I’m moving?” Scan, scan, scan at the speed of light. “They don’t allow pets.”
“Oh, that’s a shame.” She’s now fiercely loading my cart as quickly as if it’s an Olympic Event. “Would you like to see my photos?” I reach for my purse.
“NO!” Red cheeks, clearing of throat as the Customer Service lady glances over in consternation. “No, I’ve got to get to the next customer. You know. Busy busy busy.”
I notice the shaking hands, the twitching eyes. Flushed cheeks, nibbling lips.
Yes, I’ve done my duty. Crazy Cat Lady has struck again.