Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Spring is here – the robins are here – the cats are – hey! leave that bird alone!

Ah spring is in the air. Picnics are taking place in the park, lovers stroll along the beach hand in hand.

I, on the other hand, am wildly chasing cats who are wildly chasing birds.

Its enough to drive a person crazy.

I realize cats are doing what they do, the hunt, the feast, the ….mess. And I’m doing just what *I* do – save all the little animals.

To such an end, I’ve bumped up the daily requirements of catfood, as they always say a well-fed cat won’t catch any mice!

But, it doesn’t work with birds.

One morning, on a blurry eyed trip to the bathroom, I caught a flutter of wings. My sweet baby Oscar, looking more like a Vampire Cat, had somehow managed to bring in a fairly large bird through two cat flaps, down the hall and into the bathroom. The bird was flapping, the cat was hissing and I was screaming.

The bird was safely let out the front door. Whew.

Catzilla has on occasion brought in a hummingbird and once a bat. Again with the screaming and the escaping.

Bear brought in a pheasant. I mean seriously? A PHEASANT???

What’s a cat owner to do?

1. Keep the cats inside by locking down the cat doors. Yes, this will involve over 6 months of weeping, clawing, semi-rabid cats attempting to escape.
2. Chase the birds away. I have NO idea how to accomplish this one. If they’re silly enough to land in my yard that is virtually COVERED in cats, they’ve obviously earned the “bird-brained” award.
3. Muzzle the cats. Ummm….only if a hospital was nearby for transfusions.
4. Spread buckets of bird seed at my neighbors house – they gave us their cats, they can have our birds!

Frankly, there’s just no way to stop cats from being cats. Or to stop birds from being birds.

Which leaves me, the Crazy Cat Lady, having to be fleet of foot trying to rescue any little chicks that might cross my little kitties path.

Fly free, little chickadees – over to the neighbors!!!

=)

CCL

10 Random Things About Me – The Crazy Cat Lady Lets Loose

#10 – Crazy Cat Lady had always been a Crazy Dog Lady until she met Crazy Cat Man. It’s amazing how fast your world can change!

#9 – All of CCL’s cats are rescues. One cat they actually paid cash for, but it was bought from a cat sanctuary.

#8 – All of CCL’s cats are spayed, and not declawed. We’re on a farm, they’re going to need to protect themselves. Of course we no longer have much left for furniture….

#7 – CCL’s farm appears to be a dumping ground for people who no longer want their cats. We generally find one a year.

#6 – CCL has found homes for four cats that have been found at her farm door. One more cat unfortunately had to be euthanized it was so ill, yet someone still dumped it. This makes CCL even crazier.

#5 – Sunshine was the most remarkable of the strays. We kept hearing a howling cat outside, and finally found him. His head was bald on top from a recent injury and he was skinnnnnnnny. We found out his rightful parents lived a mile away, so we drove him home. The next day he came back. We tried again, and each time the cat walked a mile back to our house. Eventually we found a home for him and by then he was absolutely enormous. Well over 20 lbs. I still call and check on him. =)

#4 – Our cats favorite toy? An old mattress that’s standing upright on one end. They run wildly up one side and then lay on the top. King of the Mountain – until the next one comes up.

#3 – Crazy Cat Man planted catnip some years ago for the little darlings. We now have 5 acres of catnip. Five. Acres.

#2 – We have two cat doors. One leads to the outside from the mudroom, the other from the kitchen to the mudroom. Mainly because it gets COLD here in Iowa. The other is to try to keep varmints out. It doesn’t work. Here’s a picture of a skunk in our kitchen, who came in via the cat doors. He was gently encouraged to leave.

#1 – CCL spent part of her 40th birthday in the emergency room after breaking up a cat fight in her kitchen. She has since learned her lesson and now tosses a towel or something STURDY between the two terrorists before intervening.

There you go Kerry – 10 things no one ever knew about me!

meow.

CCL

and for those of you who read this far, here’s 10 from the lady behind the crazy cats..

10. If I’d gone to college right out of high school? I’d have been a home ec teacher. Other occupations would have been physical therapy, networking, professional bartender and sports rehab.
9. I’ve always done crafty things – sand candles and clothespin soldiers in girl scouts, macrame in my teens followed by a horrifying yet short career in tole painting. Now I make jewelry, design t-shirts, write, design websites and book covers in my spare time. Two of my paintings still hang in the local golf course – in the women’s restroom.
8. I once thought I could pull a 5 gallon bucket of paint off of the top shelf in a store and catch it. I was wrong.
7. I’m terrified of driving over bridges. To the point I’ll probably never leave the state again unless someone else is driving me.
6. I get lost. A lot. My parents finally bought me a GPS. It loses patience with me and says quite snottily “Recalculating.” I’ve ended up in different states because I was so lost. This is probably what eventually brought on the bridges and exits problems.
5. I feel I must learn, continually. I read, I watch, I learn. Every day.
4. If I stacked all my t-shirts one on top of each other, the stack would be over 15 feet tall.
3. The biggest things I’ve ever won? 3rd grade spelling bee – by spelling the word beautiful. Technically, after felling at least 5 other kids the teacher pronounced it beee-aaaa-uuuuu-tiful and then I got it, and it was fourth grade, but 3rd sounds so much cooler. I also won 2nd place in the Mills and Boon New Voices contest last year, and $50 in the lottery once.
2. I hate driving on interstate. The worst is taking an exit. I once missed the entire town of Denver, Colorado and all of its suburbs because I couldn’t find the right exit.
1. I once got lost in a restaurant. It was so dark I couldn’t find the exit, ended up in the women’s restroom and waited in a stall until someone left so I could follow them out. They instead went back to their table, leaving me standing in the center of the restaurant until some poor waitress came to help me out. Literally. Help. Me. Out.

Writing Romance 2011 Style =)

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.

“Just relax.”

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn’t care.

His touch was so experienced, so sure.

When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and
partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding.

I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.

And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant.

This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking ‘No’ for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say .. . .

“Okay ma’am, you can board your flight now.”

=)

I didn’t invent it, just passing it along for those of you who want a good giggle for the day.

carrie

Smart Ass Goes to the Olympics

[tube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN8O6XqAbZo[/tube]

For those of you having Olympic withdrawals, here’s a bit of a giggle. =)

And what’s your favorite I-have-to-watch-it-no-matter-what-time-it’s-on event?

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