Happy Valentine’s Day

so, I bet you didn’t know I wrote poetry.

no?

neither did I, until I was challenged to do so. After a couple vodka/lemonades (diet lemonade of course) I found it’s pretty darn easy to create poetry.

My sister challenged me, jokingly of course, but since she’s my older sister I took it as a dare, to come up with a rhyme for the heart cheesecakes she sells and the word “fart”. Now if you don’t like that word, just stop reading now. It’s for the best trust me. If, on the other hand, your sense of humor is a bit warped like my own, carry on.

All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

_____

Oh my love is like a red red rose…
O’er time it surely grows
‘specially when a heart-shaped cheesecake is bought
From ****** where they bake them a lot

They wrap them so fine with ribbons and bows
They cost only eight dollars and tax I suppose
We’ll toast to it with wine and a fork in each hand
*****’s cheesecakes are marvelous you must understand

Call ******* as fast as fast you can be
They even deliver ASAP!
Don’t miss out on this fabulous cheesecake of hearts
It’s cheaper than flowers and won’t make you fart.

________

Once we were young
Our feelings were the hottest
Fumbling in back seats and front seats
And once a hallway closet

Now we’re much older
We’ve got gray in our hair
And sometimes I fart
Or Forget to wear underwear

None of it matters
Not one little whit
Cuz you bought me a heart shaped cheesecake
From ****** – it’s the shit

_______

ok, this last one is bound to get me some hate email, so if you’d just write it in russian so it would go STRAIGHT to spam I’d appreciate it.

Every year we go out
To a right fancy place
Get all duded up
And makeup your face

I buy you roses
You buy me boxers
This year we’re gonna
Party like rockstars

Head over to *******
On maple street y’see
drink fancy wine
And eat supper, sweet pea

And then you’ll buy me
A cheesecake heart
For only 8 bucks
It’d be mighty smart

And oh, you’ll get lucky
From your head to your toes
When I show up
Wearing my brand new speed-os

Three little words
That’s all I want
For valentine’s day
From you my croissant

Just say them aloud
My heart will pitter-pat
With joy and surprise
I might even shat

Oh my gosh oh my gracious
Did you hear that fart?
Just say the 3 words,
BozWellz cheesecake heart!

Oh yes, how I knew it!
You spent the 8 greenbacks
Our savings is gone
We can’t pay the property tax

But it was worth it
Oh yes it was
Even tho our doublewide is towed
And they took granny’s vase

Of cremation ashes
And both our coon dogs
We’ll live happily every after
Happy as frogs

Buy ****** heart shaped cheesecakes. At only 8 bucks. Proceeds go to Re- repossession of the double wide trailer. And the dogs. Sorry, granny’s ashes were lost in the fire.

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